Guess I will go ahead and post-against my better judgement

Ok, people have been wondering when I was going to blog again, well here I go. I truly think about blogging almost daily and then say...."naw, I'm too tired/bored/unmotivated."

What is happening with me? I dunno, floating around life I guess. I have reached the point in my life that I feel like things should be all into place and they aren't. That is a really rough realization for me. I always thought that 27 was old...no offense my older (and best) friends. I always thought that by this time in my life I would be married with kids. I always thought that life would be all lined up for me by this time.

But things aren't always what we expect. I am here with two dogs, two cats in a house that I own and love, but is usually very empty. I am not happy. Why isn't life like I expected it to be? Well obviously someone else has different plans for me than I had for myself. I lay here writing this way past my bedtime, listening to my iPod and my dogs bickering on the floor. Wow, sad.

There are people in my life who are so happy with their lives. There are others that hate their lives. Where do I fit in to this grand scheme? I really don't know honestly. "I'm not a perfect person." Sorry, that was the lyric I just heard, thought it was pretty fitting. Man, this sounds like a downer post and I guess it is. I just really want to know a reason, a purpose to my existance in this life.

Not that I don't love what I have. I love my job, can't imagine another something to wake up to everyday!! Not that I don't love my family, they are really actually pretty amazing and supportive. It is with joy that I call my mom my best friend. Not that I don't love my friends. I have THE MOST AMAZING friends a person could ask for. I just question what more is there out there for me? I have always wanted to have children (more than just my 23 darlings at school-which I adore btw). I am so scared that I am going to be too old when I am finally able to have children, that I will see that opportunity pass me by as I watch with sad eyes.

I have no clue really where this post is going. Really, it all boils down to the fact that I am tired. I am tired to being alone, tired of being a "great girl", tired of being 27 and single with no hint of a change in my future. But I am also just really literally tired. I have gotten so much less sleep in the last three weeks than I have in the last year. I am sure that is why I am being such a sappy baby. Who knows, all I know is I am tired, and going to try to go to bed now. I am a little chicken to post this one, as I have done with others in the past I am thinking of just not publishing this particular blog. But actually those who know me best actually probably know most of what I have written here, either from me telling them or they just know me well enough to figure it out....